Sunday, March 27, 2011

i love... me

I certainly did not forget about you my love :) sooooo excited that one of my besties, Beeeecky, tagged me in this 'blogging' thing that's been going around. I love my friend Becky. She is logical - not heartless, though. She's the very best person in the world for complimenting. Seriously... she makes me feel like a million dollars whenever we talk because every time we talk she tells me something that she loves about me. 

We should all learn a lesson from ms. sparks <3 (love you long time :)

This is hard! I have seriously been racking my brain trying to think of three things that I love about myself; I feel like passing it off to Becky hahaha. What'd ya think, my dear?!?! To be honest, I've kind of felt a huge wave of 'worthless' lately. I'm usually pretty comfortable in my own soul but, due to some unfortunate recent events! i kinda lost it a little bit.

i kinda made up my mind that i sucked. lol.

But... I am in charge of my own feelings; no one can make me feel anything without my permission. I am not a victim. So.

lemme tell ya a little bit i love about this girl right here ;)

here's the list of things!    

1. List three things that you love about yourself.
2. Post a picture that you love.
3. List five bloggers to whom you are passing this along.

1. I love that I am compassionate and empathetic. Sometimes it winds up hurting me a lot, as I consider all of the people in the world who are suffering. And sometimes it's a lot more difficult to 'block out' the pain of other's around me; sometimes it hurts more. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I love that I can see a friend who is hurting - or maybe someone who isn't even my friend - and I can be sensitive to their sorrows. It has also been a really key component of being able to forgive those who have hurt me - when I consider that they are possibly hurting to, it makes it all the more easier to just 'let go' of my own pain; even if they were the inflictors of it. I don't like hurting other people and when other people have hurt me in the past I've found myself being angry that I wouldn't or couldn't have done whatever they did to hurt me; maybe it would hurt less if I treated them the same? But I wouldn't really want that deep down & I know my worth; I know that I'm so much better than that... and I can proudly say that I don't regret not being able to consciously hurt other people. I embrace it.

2. I love my hair! Is that vain of me to say? Haha. I used to hate my hair; I used to wish for straight, smooth, hair that didn't frizz up when I brushed through it. But I've grown to love my hair. And reallly I love it so much. Straight is boring :) the curls add a little spunk to my life and I think my hair is beautiful. It's been one of those things that I used to think 'ahhh booooh; whhhhyyyyy???'.... and now I just love it. It makes me individual; it sets me apart.

3. I love that I am Christian :)... I thought 'hmmm maybe that's not really something that's me, exactly'... but how could I say that? My Christianity makes me who I am. I love that I have a knowledge of where I am going and where I came from; that I'm not just aimlessly walking around this big ball, not knowing why I'm here. I know why I'm here. I know that I have a Heavenly Father and Mother who love me soooo soo much. I know that I have an elder brother who walked through all of my sorrows and mistakes just so that I could come home again one day. I love being a Mother and I truly feel that one day long ago, before we all came to this earth, I sat down with my Haven and his Dad and Heavenly Father and we knew what life would bring; we knew what would happen. I was predestined to be his Mom. Heavenly Father trusts me with his beautiful son; how amazing is that? I love that Jesus Christ is my perfect example. I love that, if I follow Him, everything else will fall into place. I love that part of 'me'... it's the most important part of me.

i just spent hours trying to think of a picture to use. so im sticking with this one before i change my mind hahaha.
i love this place. i love the temple. and i love my family. i know that families are forever.

sorry just four for me :)

Friday, March 25, 2011

7 months of laughing right into my heart


7 months is a long, long time. And I really cannot believe that that is the amount of time that has passed since that long, long night on August 25th.

This ones for you, bubbah. I love you so much. Today I turned on "ain't no mountain high enough" (the Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell version; the best one ;) and we danced together in the living room. You laughed right from your little belly; what was so funny, i do not know. But you found something to smile at and you are an ever present reminder that I should do the same; even when it's hard to see - find something to smile about, laugh from the heart - .

If it were not for you, I wouldn't be here today. I always used to hate when Mothers would talk about how much they 'needed' their children, because really, shouldn't it just be the children needing their Mothers? But I understand it now. I may take care of your physical needs... but my dear, you take care of my heart.

What would I do without you, sweet child? I truly do not know.

i love you, i love you, i love you.

listen baby!

spring time of 2010 :) one of the most special times in my life; the time i carried you <3

ain't no mountain high.
ain't no valley low.
ain't no river wide enough baby.

i. adore. you.
look at you all soft and new :)
i loved you from the very start, honey

if you need me, call me
no matter where you are
no matter how far,

smiles for the heart

no more cryin' lover!!! <3

dont worry baby!

kisses, kisses, kisses

just call my name
i'll be there in a hurry
you don't have to worry

cause baby,
there aint no mountain high enough
aint no valley low enough
aint no river wide enough
to keep me from getting to you, babe

more kisses? yes. please :)

remember the day
i set you free
i told you you could always count on me darling
from that day on, I made a vow
i'll be there when you want me
someway, somehow

cause baby,
ain't no mountain high enough
ain't no valley low enough
ain't no river wide enough
to keep me from getting to you, babe

i love this smile!!!

oh no darling
no wind, no rain
nor winter storm
can't stop me baby
no no baby
cause you are my goal
if your ever in trouble
i'll be there on the double
just send for me
oh baby!

mmmm momma's hair tastes gooooood.

my love is alive
way down in my heart
although we are miles apart
if you ever need a helping hand
i'll be there on the double
just as fast as i can

laughing into my heart <3

don't you know that there
ain't no mountain high enough
ain't no valley low enough
ain't no river wide enough
to keep me from getting to you babe

nummy mummy

don't ya know that there
ain`t no mountain high enough
ain`t no valley low enough
ain`t no river wide enough
to keep me from gettin to you babe.

hmm... this tastes good too. :)

and don't you dare ever forget it!

Friday, March 18, 2011

tis the season; baby cows and mangled gophers

Spring is here.

The start of March wasn't so grand for me; but I am making a conscious effort to force the rest of the month to be absolutely amazing. There's not much I can't do when I put my mind to it. So... here goes.

it's time to shed the touques and warm jackets of winter

I set my alarm this morning! This, in and of itself, is actually amazing regardless of the time I set it too. I very rarely set my alarm these days. I decided at the beginning of February that I wanted to ease Hav into a sleeping schedule. I was to set the alarm for 9:00 am every morning. Slowly I decided that just sticking to 10:00 am was a more attainable goal. Then March came 'marching' in ha...ha. the whole alarm went out the window.

But! I'm done with laying in bed or feeling sorry for myself. I set my alarm this morning for 8:30 am so that I could make it to a child development class that I've been wanting to go to with a friend. I got our clothes ready the night before, went to bed at a decent time, and was ready and in the car with time to spare this morning.

Then I realized that I was an hour late - dang day light savings!!!

So... I missed the class lol.

Hav and I were already in the car so I decided to take a nice drive and go out for breakfast. I found something to eat and Hav and I went for a walk and found a nice bench in a park. We sat down and enjoyed the +7 temperature. The sun was shining on my back and Haven was content, taking in all of the amazingness that the world has to offer for a 7 month old baby's eyes.

letting the light come in and replacing the jackets with colorful flowery tank tops :)

Spring is here. And oh, how grateful I am for the beautiful reminder that, after a long and cold winter, new life can grow. And it does grow every. single. year.

soaking up the sun on 226 3rd st and replacing the touques with sunnies :)
how much do i love this picture?
so. much.

During the drive home I watched in the fields. Baby cows were running and jumping by their Momma's side. The plenty amount of live Gophers were mindlessly running in front of my car and giving me a heart attack as I swerve out of the way so as not to smoosh them; the dead ones, who are most unlucky, are mangled on the side of the road causing me to cringe.

<3 baby cows are the cutest

gophers are NOT... grrrrrrrrrrr

Yup, spring is here. I have so much to be thankful for. so. so. much.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I see your true colors; shining through

 “There was great joy both for the leaders in Japan and the leaders here as we were finally able to report that every missionary is safe and accounted for,” said Elder David F. Evans, an executive director of the Church's Missionary Department, who also spoke at the press conference.

I really was terrified to go on to the site and find out the answer to a question that's been in the back of my mind since I heard about the earth quake and tsunami in Japan. I was scared when the earth quake in Haiti hit; how could it be possible that not one single missionary serving there could not have been lost considering the hundreds of thousands of people who were killed? I really didn't think it was possible. Much to my joy they were all accounted for and safe. a miracle. 

Then an earth quake hit Chile. This one was more personal for me as I have a really close friend, Tanner, serving in Chile. I found out about the earth quake when I woke up in the morning and I waited and waited - pretty much holding my breath! - untill I had heard through his younger sister, Holly, that he was alright.

There were so. many. lives. lost. in Haiti and Chile and now... Japan.

I guess I feel some sort of connection with these people as well. My Mom served her mission in Japan and speaks of them in such an amazing light. I guess I grew to love them through her love for them.

Right after it happened Luke told me about the earth quake but I just thought it was any other earth quake; they have tons of them in Japan. Then a friend texted me and mentioned something about it... but again I didn't really understand. I didn't know the magnitude of what had happened and just brushed it off.

I woke up in the morning. The tv was on. I could hear Barrack Obama's voice coming out of it. He said something about his heart being broken. I opened my door and saw his sad face on the tv. I knew that something was very, very wrong.

my buddy, barrack

"What happened?" I asked.

Suddenly the tv switched to images of hundreds of homes litterally being swept away into the ocean. It was kind of surreal at first; like it was a movie or something. Then I realized something. Those are people's homes. There are people inside those homes... drowning.

nothing you can do to stop. it.

It's one of those moments, much similar to 9/11, that you just never. ever. forget.  

When I read the article above 10 minutes ago... well I won't lie... I just cried. They were tears of happiness that Heavenly Father protected the missionaries who are serving amongst the people there. 

these aren't the specific missionaries :) but these are good ones too. haha.

The joy is short-lived though... because I remember how many lives have been lost; how many hearts broken. I watched a woman standing in the rubble of where her home used to be. She kept on saying, through her tears:

"I'm alive. I survived. But I do not know... if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I do not know if being alive right now is good."

heart breaking
 My heart is breaking for these people! I feel so so helpless. Everyone!!! Let's give everything that we can. A little bit goes a long way. Pretty, pretty please!!! 

I am in awe at the calm and dignified way that these people are attempting to pick themselves up and rise again. They are concerned more for the overall well-being of their nation than they are for their individual lives. There are so many lessons that can be learned from these wonderful people.


Your true colors shine when in the face of heart break. These people reminded me that even when you are hurting in the most terrible of ways, you are still capable of holding your head high and holding your morals and values close to your heart.

i cant even imagine...

Your colors are beautiful.

Friday, March 11, 2011

'I did it for you'

Today is actually supposed to be my 'writing Chelsea' day (my bestie who's serving her mission in New Jersey, Morristown). But I think that she'll forgive me. I'm leaving in about three hours to go to the Temple in Cardston and so looking forward to that.

The reason why I wanted to get on here and write, though, was not to talk about the trivial things of my day.

At the beginning of this month, to be exact, on March 1... I found out about something terrible that had happened. It crushed me. I won't go into detail, because really the details of it aren't important. I think how I felt is more important. I was angry, hurt, afraid, betrayed... crushed, really. I really thought I would die (sorry for the melo-dramatics!)... but to me it was everything. I was positive that the pain of it wouldn't go away; ever.

I prayed.

Sometimes I feel like I hold back talking about this aspect of my life. But I would be terribly ungrateful if I didn't publicly thank my Father in Heaven for getting me through the dark moments, for blessing me with everything that I love... for sending me trials to make me stronger.

So here it is;

I would be nothing without my Savior. I would be directionless in a world where direction is the difference between life or death. I would be lost. I've never had a stronger testimony in my life of my Savior as my personal Savior. He died for me. He suffered for me. He saved me. He found me in my pain, sins, and mistakes and He looked at me in all my imperfections and said;

'Megan Jolynn... you're worth it to me... you matter to me.'

When the pathways of life are entirely uncertain He stands by my side; He takes my hand in His and promises me that I can keep walking.

The road before me is dark. I don't know where life will take me. But I do know one thing; one thing that will never change even when I turn my back on Him, my Savior will be with me. He will never leave me.

While in Sunday School at Church about three Sundays ago a man made a comment that struck a chord in my heart. We were studying Christ's ministry and the miracles He performed. The Sunday School teacher asked:

'Why do you think that Jesus didn't just heal the whole world? He surely has the power to do so? Why do you think he singled out the one person here and the one person there?'

A man, through tears, responded with this:

'To me, it shows me that He is my Personal Savior. He sought out the individual to show us that He can heal our individual hearts; He understands our personal sufferings.'

I sat there, thinking about it for the rest of the class. It hit me hard.

He died for me. He sacrificed Himself for me. Suddenly I felt I knew Him better. I felt His love stronger. I imagined Him suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and looking up to me and saying;

'Megan Jolynn... this is for you.'

Since March 1st there have been moments when I thought I would surely never mend. There have been moments when the pain of betrayal litterally pushed down on my shoulders like a 80 pound weight; threatening to break me.

Then the moment would come... right before I couldn't take anymore... when my Savior would send comfort to my heart, whispering to my soul;

'I did it for you, Megan. I am here with you; I never left. Do your best. I will make up the rest.'

ps my heart is breaking for the people of japan right now. i woke up this morning to watch a scene of millions of homes washing away in the water. i cried. my problems seem so silly when in comparison to those suffering all over the world. im going to write a proper blog about this but i needed to post this one first. please keep those special people in your prayers.