Today is actually supposed to be my 'writing Chelsea' day (my bestie who's serving her mission in New Jersey, Morristown). But I think that she'll forgive me. I'm leaving in about three hours to go to the Temple in Cardston and so looking forward to that.
The reason why I wanted to get on here and write, though, was not to talk about the trivial things of my day.
At the beginning of this month, to be exact, on March 1... I found out about something terrible that had happened. It crushed me. I won't go into detail, because really the details of it aren't important. I think how I felt is more important. I was angry, hurt, afraid, betrayed... crushed, really. I really thought I would die (sorry for the melo-dramatics!)... but to me it was everything. I was positive that the pain of it wouldn't go away; ever.
Sometimes I feel like I hold back talking about this aspect of my life. But I would be terribly ungrateful if I didn't publicly thank my Father in Heaven for getting me through the dark moments, for blessing me with everything that I love... for sending me trials to make me stronger.
So here it is;
I would be nothing without my Savior. I would be directionless in a world where direction is the difference between life or death. I would be lost. I've never had a stronger testimony in my life of my Savior as my personal Savior. He died for me. He suffered for me. He saved me. He found me in my pain, sins, and mistakes and He looked at me in all my imperfections and said;
'Megan Jolynn... you're worth it to me... you matter to me.'
When the pathways of life are entirely uncertain He stands by my side; He takes my hand in His and promises me that I can keep walking.
The road before me is dark. I don't know where life will take me. But I do know one thing; one thing that will never change even when I turn my back on Him, my Savior will be with me. He will never leave me.
While in Sunday School at Church about three Sundays ago a man made a comment that struck a chord in my heart. We were studying Christ's ministry and the miracles He performed. The Sunday School teacher asked:
'Why do you think that Jesus didn't just heal the whole world? He surely has the power to do so? Why do you think he singled out the one person here and the one person there?'
A man, through tears, responded with this:
'To me, it shows me that He is my Personal Savior. He sought out the individual to show us that He can heal our individual hearts; He understands our personal sufferings.'
I sat there, thinking about it for the rest of the class. It hit me hard.
He died for me. He sacrificed Himself for me. Suddenly I felt I knew Him better. I felt His love stronger. I imagined Him suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and looking up to me and saying;
'Megan Jolynn... this is for you.'
Since March 1st there have been moments when I thought I would surely never mend. There have been moments when the pain of betrayal litterally pushed down on my shoulders like a 80 pound weight; threatening to break me.
Then the moment would come... right before I couldn't take anymore... when my Savior would send comfort to my heart, whispering to my soul;
'I did it for you, Megan. I am here with you; I never left. Do your best. I will make up the rest.'
ps my heart is breaking for the people of japan right now. i woke up this morning to watch a scene of millions of homes washing away in the water. i cried. my problems seem so silly when in comparison to those suffering all over the world. im going to write a proper blog about this but i needed to post this one first. please keep those special people in your prayers.