Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I have a dream


I let go of my dreams... for a long time I had convinced myself to just let go of my dreams.

How sad is that?

But I did.
I let go of them, walked away, and shut the door -rather, slammed the door - in their face.
'who needs you? all you do is give me false hope. all you do is break my heart.'

Last night I had an actual dream
- (I hesitate to bring this up, so that you don't all think that I'm the crazy.lame.wierdo who makes life's choices based on dreams... lol; please be assured that I do not) -
It was the best dream! I was happy in my dream and I really was 'living the dream'
I was just... happy. That's really the main thing that I remember.

And when I woke up I realized something.
I've been so afraid of asking for what I want;
of asking for a 'dream come true'
because I had had those dreams dashed and crumbled far too many times.
I decided to live in a world of
'settling for second best'
'don't hope for too much and you won't be hurt too much'

I'm done with living life like that.
I'm going to dream big; ridiculously big
I'm going to take advantage of every.single. opportunity
I'm going to give Haven all of the dreams that he could ever imagine

I do have a dream.
And dreams are hard to grab onto
they're hard to hold

isn't everything that's worth anything...
 worth a good hard fight???

this boy right here... has taught me how to dream; he has taught me that 'dreams really do come true'; and that everything worth anything is worth a fight

Here I come big dreams.
and anyone who's in my way best move out of my way real quick like
'cause I'm not stoppin' for no one.

"there has never been anything false about hope"
-barack obama

Saturday, May 28, 2011

they were wrong with neil armstrong

... why didn't they send all men to the moon??? and then leave them there; no returning like neil armstrong - i'm sure that they could use their fat heads to think of some way of sustaining themselves - if not..... well that's alright too.

except this one.

he's the only one that gets to stay.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

so much more

i am feeling unbelievably uninspired tonight.

the day has not been one of my favorites.

not at all.

but i do know that;

I'm so grateful for Haven.

I'm so grateful that because he was born at 1:53 am 9 months ago today, I get to be his Mother.

I'm so grateful that I have the power to choose my life and where my paths will take me;

I'm also grateful that I have been blessed with the most amazing job - so amazing that it sometimes overwhelms me and I feel my abilities are inadequate for it - that is the job of being able to direct and guide one of Heavenly Father's precious children onto paths where he will undoubtedly reach his full potential.

I am grateful for a Mother who taught me how I might be a good Mother.

I am grateful for the complete love of my family - without them, I would not know how to completely love my own family - .

I am grateful for the love of a Father in Heaven - a love that helps me to overcome my insecurities and fears in being a Mother, having faith that He'll enable me with power to be the best Mother I can be - .

i love you so much more, baby boy <3

9 monthes ago today, in this very moment, I was starring into the eyes of one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I am so blessed to be called his Mother.

Monday, May 23, 2011

who says???

when life throws a lemon at your head...

put on some nikes,

and run.

until your legs feel like lead

until there's sweat dripping into your eyes

and your lungs are begging your mind to stop

and if only for a few moments... instead of thinking about the hurt at hand, your mind might forget
and instead turn to;
one foot, in front,
of the other

one foot, in front, of the other, and don't stop
just keep running

you may not be in control of all the things in your life;
but you are most certainly in control of your choice
to put
one foot, in front, of the other.

just do it

ps. a great big THANK YOU to mother nature who provided the sweet smell of sappy buds as i was running (have i ever mentioned how much i love spring?), a great big THANK YOU to i tunes for providing my two new songs that i totally splurged on (i decided i deserved it); i pushed repeat over and over, a great big THANK YOU to my amazing family in Saskatchewan who distracted me all weekend & reminded me how blessed I am, and... last but never least... the biggest THANK YOU to my Father in Heaven for blessing me with everything that I have.

second cousins :) - the next generation

pps. the second thing that you should do after life throws a lemon at your head is to write four things that you are so thankful for.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

burnt. out. & a Brighter Day

My 'thinking outside of myself' blogs are always near and dear to my heart. But the topic that I'm writing about today has pretty huge signifigance to me.

I'll start off by saying a little bit about myself ('cause I know you're dying to hear it ;). I have trouble letting go of anything. I keep movie tickets from years ago, I collect rocks that I don't quite remember why I have but maybe one day the memories of these random rocks I keep will come back to me (?) and then I will be ever grateful that I kept them. My theory is; when in doubt, keep it. And lemme tell ya... I'm in doubt a lot of the time (maybe this aids in my complete panic whenever I have to make desicions. seriously. i. lose. my. head. over the smallest desicions. the biggest desicions... well let's not even talk about my horror at making those ones).

Now. with that being said...

there is a little town called Slave Lake in Canada. and at the beginning of this week a forest fire raged through it, destroying so much in it's path. Some people have lost their entire homes. The entire place was evacuated. There are no fatalities thus far (thank. goodness).

First of all... this story kind of hits home for me. I have friends there who I really do care about a lot. So it was personal to me; I was concerned for them. The thought of having to just... put some clothes in a bag, pack up Haven in a car, and walk away from my home, not really having much hope that it would be there when I came back... well that just breaks my heart - I mean really... I can't even let go of my rocks and movie stubs much rather my entire home.

my piano, Willis (yup. my piano has a name), would be gone </3,
the 'family heights' wall where my family measures everyone's growth... that would be gone,
Haven's beautiful baby room would be gone with it his little feet impressions, pictures, baby books, first onsie, first blanket to be wrapped in... gone,
the vanity that my parents suprised me with one Christmas would be gone (it's my favorite thing in the world <3),
the rooms where my family had developed so many memories - laughing together, crying together, fighting together - they would all be gone...

And then. after having to cope with the emotional trauma of everything I have simply being gone... I cannot imagine the fear of having nothing. The amount of stress that I would feel having Haven and being evacuated to somewhere else and knowing that I had to work tooth and nail to re-establish my life... I just cannot imagine it! And when I heard of what was happening in Slave Lake and I actually tried to imagine it, I cried and cried for the people who actually are living through something so heart breaking.

I know that red cross is accepting donations - and another great idea is just to get together anything that you can to donate. There are places everywhere that are organizing drop offs and pick ups to bring or recieve donations. Let's all work together to help out this little town who's lost so very much <3

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

a new title; courtesy of: norma jean

(new blog title's inspiration)

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is, you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up.
Girls will be your friends - they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them.
Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world.
As for lovers,
they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up; because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole.
And that goes for everything; just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and
always, always, always
believe in yourself.
Because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie?
So. Keep your head high. Keep your chin up. And most importantly, keep smiling. Because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”

-Marilyn Monroe

Monday, May 16, 2011

natural highs; number 5

A special glance.

I spent weeks trying to think of what to write in this particular blog. I could think of examples of 'special glances' but I couldn't remember the details of all of them. So... this is going to be a really random blog full of 'special glance' moments.

I've had a lot of 'special glances' at airports. Whether I was leaving somewhere or someone else was leaving somewhere... there's always a 'turn back and glance' moment; the heart breaking ones. I've had some perfect special glances at airports. The ones where you are walking away from each other and in perfect unition, both turn back and look into each other's face at exactly the same moment.

so keep it steady now
'cause every inch you see is

I had a 'special glance' moment with a friend one day while I was saying goodbye to him - it was summer. It wasn't a big goodbye; just any old goodbye. He just smiled at me. It seemed out of place and the image burned into my 'mental images'. I remember feeling something inside my heart... something important. It was the last time that I saw him alive. A few short monthes later he was in a fatal car accident.

The day of my seminary graduation the man who awarded me with my 'Graduation Certificate' was someone I had known almost my whole life. He knew my family. I wasn't close with him but he'd just always been 'there'. I know that seminary, to some, really isn't that big of a deal. But without it I really don't know what I would have done. I walked up to the front of the room to accept my certificate. He looked in my eyes with one of those 'special glance' looks and with the brightest smile on his face he took my hand in his and said 'Megan... you made it'.

day of seminary graduation :)
i love michelle <3
Special glances are wonderful <3

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The good, the bad and of course the ugly!

I have so much to be thankful for these past couple of weeks.

I love lists. So I'll make a list :)

Here are things that I am grateful for in the past two weeks;

1. Friends who love me so much... and who I love so much right back
i looove this girl :)

2. Road trips with Haven - they teach me patience and love unending
this is my 'im going to rip out all my hair if you don't stop crying' face...lol

3. The Temple in Edmonton - was the very first Temple that I ever went to!

4. GPS systems (really, I could get lost in a parking lot - I would manage to find a way to do it)

5. Cutest little boys ever

6. K & J for being the very best parents that any birth family could ever ask for
landon with his daddy :)

7. Sweet Landon and how his little face looks just like his Tummy Mummy's <3
i love you every day :)

8. The lady at TOFW who made me laugh so hard that I started crying (there were litterally tears poring out of my eyes)
just about as hard as this little gaffer was laughing with his uncle mone!

9. Jackie for bringing Sara and I flowers on Mother's day

10. My Momma who taught me almost everything I know
at tofw

11. My Dad who went and had a 'boys day out' with Mattie and Haven while I was at TOFW
papa with his grandsons landon and haven :)

12. My Auntie Lesley who had words of wisdom about some of the 'blips' in my life (lol)
my mom's best friend, auntie lesley!!

13. Kisses from my son!!!
<3 rather kisses FOR my son!

Gratitude is such an awesome mood changer. I really do believe that when you're feeling sad a little bit of gratitude can take you to such higher places.

I'm so grateful for everything and everyone I have in my life :)
I'm even grateful for the trials or the people who hurt me.
How else would I learn and grow?!
I'm grateful for it all;

the good,
the bad,
the ugly