Thursday, June 16, 2011

Imagine...

Isn't it amazing how the most simple things can have the most profound affect on you?

I was reading a children's book today. It was called "Imagine a Day". I don't remember who it was by.

But I was sitting there reading this story with Haven on my lap - and my emotions were quickly close to the surface - .

The book was on 'Imagining a Day' full of dreams and hopes. The page that 'got me' read:

"Imagine a day...
when you forget how to fall."

The picture was of two children walking across thin, wooden planks, way high up in the sky in some sort of wonder-land. They weren't afraid.

Such a simple sentence, in such a simple format... but in all of the 'profound' books that I've read, in all of the lengthy discourses of opinions... nothing could have been more perfect. It was as if it was tailored and perfectly placed there just for me to read. 

I was talking to a friend later after I read this book and something dawned on me; I am terrified of falling and I trust no one as a result of that terror.

(The fact that he immediatly said: "yeah... I've noticed" just confirmed it. lol. I guess it's worse than I thought.)

I've been hurt a time or two. I've had my hopes and dreams smushed right down into pulp. Some have broken my trust into pieces. 

I am terrified of placing trust in someone and that trust being abused. I am terrified of placing trust in a situation in fear that things won't work out. So I assume the worst. I don't ask for anything because than no one can say no. I don't open my heart completely because then no one can hurt it; that panicked feeling won't seep in as I lose control.

My life is built around my painful, constant memory of what it feels like to fall; what it feels like to hit that ground.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to forget how to fall?

Imagine a day...
when you forget how to fall. 

I'm going to forget it. 
So.
Here's for hoping. Here's for dreaming. Here's for having faith and optimism that tomorrow will be beautiful - even if it comes knocking on my door with rejection or abused trust... that's ok. Because life's about learning. 

And without the falls
you would never learn about the strength inside of yourself
to get back up again.
So.
I'm going to forget about the fear of falling; not because it's never going to happen.
But because I know that I'll always be blessed with
the strength to 
 get back up again. 


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