Monday, November 28, 2011

25 turns into 28!

These '25' posts are becoming more like '28' posts!

I'm not feeling creative right now, but I know that I just need to get this up haha. So! A Havie baby update:

He has a language of his own; full of grunts, shouts and hand gestures. He reminds me a great deal of a little monkey haha! I've learned how to understand this monkey language.

He knows a few words: 'Mama', 'don't' and 'dance'.

Haven loves to dance, especially while watching Dora the Explorer! He moves his little shoulders back and forth and shakes his bootie haha!

Haven adores his 'Papa' and runs to him whenever he walks in the door!

Another favorite person of Havie's is his cousin, Kealii. Oh my goodness he adores him! It reminds me that human beings are inherently good. And I love that concept.

Haven has a big heart and he is always giving great big hugs and kisses to a sad hearted individual.

Haven has a big, kind heart but he also has a temper. When you try and make him do something that he doesn't want to do, he makes it very clear that he does NOT want to do it!

I love Haven! And he is my light and joy!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

peanut butter and sticky kisses

I've made some big life choices lately.
Ones that I don't think a lot of people in my life will  agree with. But, I made them anyways. I made them because I felt that it was best for my baby boy.

I spoke with one of my closest friends the other day to explain to her my choices.
I feel really guilty for saying this, but I was so nervous to tell her what I had decided.
I could hear the disapointment in her voice at first. The choice that I've made is going to prevent me from living close to her and I know that's why she was sad.
As I explained to her the reasons that I had made the decision that I did, she told me that she was proud of me.
She reassured me and read me a quote:

 “I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”
- Marjorie Pay Hinckley

There are so many distractions to be had every single day. Sometimes I feel as if the world is screaming at me:

"Lose weight. You're not skinny enough."
"Money buys happiness."
"It's only a sleeve,  or a little cleavage, or a little too short, etc; it really doesn't make a difference."

When it comes down to it, I know that I can't bring money up to heaven. I will feel completely ridiculous for investing so much time in all of the things that I cannot take to heaven.

I want Heavenly Father to know that I've really lived here.
I want Him to know that He was right in trusting me with one of His precious children from above; that I value my divine Motherhood. 

I am of infinite worth with my own divine mission, which I will strive to fulfill.

I want Him to know that I've really experienced life.
I want Him to see that I made my Savior's sacrifice for me worth it.
I want Him to see that I tried my hardest to be His hands and lift others up.

So when it comes down to it I know that the make up isn't going to mean anything.
The hours of thought put into dieting or excercising (for reasons besides health) aren't going to mean anything.
My clothes aren't going to mean anything.

I hope that I have peanut butter on my shirt when I get to heaven.
I hope that my shoulder is wet with the tears from those who have cried upon it.
I hope that I will have those sticky kisses all over my cheeks.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

if i could find a way

i should not be blogging right now.
there are millions upon millions of other things that i should be doing right now - none of which include sitting down in my room, opening up my computer and blogging away.
i could be doing laundry. i could be studying. i could be cleaning my room. i could be budgeting. i could be editing. i could be running.
the list goes on, and on. and onnnnnn.
so, like i said, i should not be blogging. but. i definitely need to write and write; sometimes the 'difficult' feelings (ie panicked, fearful, frustrated, disapointed, confused) of my heart just get trapped inside there and the only way to get them out is to lay them out.
just like this.
so please enjoy.

has any of you ever heard the song cough syrup??? by 'young the giants'? the first time that i heard it i thought that it was so wierd. and i didn't understand the lyrics at all - usually i can find something to relate to in odd lyrics. but not these ones.
at least not until yesterday. yesterday they were quite applicable. funny how different experiences can alter your mind to understand something better. 'aha' moments are the best.

this week has been kind of rough, guys. i'm not gonna lie.

monday began with a mental break down - tears, panicked-tight-chest-lump-in-your-throat feeling and all.

tuesday was some more panic and indecision.

wednesday highlighted it all with finding out some awful news.... it's family 'hush, hush' stuff and definitely not 'blog-worthy'. but, take my word for it; it was awful news.

today has just been a blur.

now that i've told you about all of the bad things that have graced my week, i will tell you about some of the things that i have learned from it - because that's what trials are for: learning.

I've learned that I should never waste time. If someone I love doesn't know that I love them, I need to tell them. I shouldn't wait for a distant tomorrow. Because I might not get it in this life if I wait.

I've learned that I shouldn't ever judge someone when I don't know all the facts. And even if I do know all the facts, I probably still don't know all the facts. So.... I should just leave the judging to God.

I've learned that sometimes I have to let go of people that I love - yup, even the ones that I love deep down into my little heart. And that still seems like such a lame concept to me... I don't like it. And I don't think that I ever will.

I've learned that sometimes I have to adjust my plans. Sometimes I have to sacrifice something good, for something better.

I've learned that sometimes... even though something is right... it doesn't mean that it will be easy to accept or that it won't be disapointing from the limited view that I have. Of course I'll be grateful for it later when I can see it all laid out... but for now... I'm just a little bit disapointed. And a little bit tired.

And a little bit in need of a great. big. hug.

seeing it straight or not doesn't really matter when i've got these pudgy arms around my neck... <3

If I could find a way to see this straight
I’d run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now..
- cough syrup
by 'young the giants' 

Monday, November 7, 2011

something amazing

2 choices.

that's exactly what i have today.
-in fact every day i have 2 choices-

1. i can choose to look at the negative, painful or tearful experiences of the day


2. i can choose to look at the wonderful, uplifting or strengthening experiences of the day.


on this beautiful sunday evening i am going to choose the latter.
i've not had the best day - it's been trying at times, i won't lie.

but what would life be without the difficult bits as well?
wouldn't it be silly of me to have a testimony of the truth that i know that i was sent here to this earth to be tested and strengthened,
but simultaneously believe that i shouldn't have to face difficulties, pains, heart aches and sorrows?

that idea is contradictory, if you ask me.

my heart is feeling a little beat up this evening
and i know the perfect solution

- attitude of gratitude -
(ya, i said it ;)

What am I grateful for today?
Please, allow me to tell you:

1. the fact that i have a new computer! there's a tiny negative here, which will explain the lack of good photos. that is the fact that i have no editing system on my computer atm. nor do i have any pics from Eevie (that's my camera, ya she has a name ;) So! Please enjoy the lack of high quality photos!

2. banana cream pie with oreo pie crust. Haven enjoyed it quite a lot as well ;)

3. my Momma who is the best Momma and Grandma in the whole, wide universe.

4. mine and Haven's adventures through wallie world, playing 'peek-a-boo' with touques :)

5. my Piggy wiggie nephew :) this is definitely a wedding day slide show shot. hahaha

6. great health care in Canada - seriously, i freaken love my country.

7. 'peek-a-boo' games with havie baby. 

8. home made ice cream and strawberry cobbler - ya, that's right - home made (by me)!

9. this may seem cheesy to some... but today i am especially grateful that i know where i come from. i know who i am and where i am going.
this knowledge makes facing the heart aches of my life easier to bare.
i know that this life isn't the end - there is something else after and there was something else before.
people who truly love me will not define me by my outward appearance;
they will define me by my heart.
i know that i truly love Haven because, even though he has the cutest darn face i've ever seen, i know that he has the best heart of anyone that i know
and i can see that heart shining through every day.
did you know that he comforts his cousin when he is upset?
he holds my face in his hands and 'kisses' my cheeks and nose when i cry.
he was something amazing before he came here
and he is something amazing now.
today more than anything, i am grateful that i know where i am going.
i know that i have a purpose in life; and along with that, i know that haven has a purpose in life.
i know that beauty's true depth is not measured by layers of make up or their articles of fancy possesions.
beauty's true depth is measured from within a person's soul.