Thursday, November 17, 2011

if i could find a way

i should not be blogging right now.
there are millions upon millions of other things that i should be doing right now - none of which include sitting down in my room, opening up my computer and blogging away.
i could be doing laundry. i could be studying. i could be cleaning my room. i could be budgeting. i could be editing. i could be running.
the list goes on, and on. and onnnnnn.
so, like i said, i should not be blogging. but. i definitely need to write and write; sometimes the 'difficult' feelings (ie panicked, fearful, frustrated, disapointed, confused) of my heart just get trapped inside there and the only way to get them out is to lay them out.
just like this.
so please enjoy.

has any of you ever heard the song cough syrup??? by 'young the giants'? the first time that i heard it i thought that it was so wierd. and i didn't understand the lyrics at all - usually i can find something to relate to in odd lyrics. but not these ones.
at least not until yesterday. yesterday they were quite applicable. funny how different experiences can alter your mind to understand something better. 'aha' moments are the best.

this week has been kind of rough, guys. i'm not gonna lie.

monday began with a mental break down - tears, panicked-tight-chest-lump-in-your-throat feeling and all.

tuesday was some more panic and indecision.

wednesday highlighted it all with finding out some awful news.... it's family 'hush, hush' stuff and definitely not 'blog-worthy'. but, take my word for it; it was awful news.

today has just been a blur.

now that i've told you about all of the bad things that have graced my week, i will tell you about some of the things that i have learned from it - because that's what trials are for: learning.

I've learned that I should never waste time. If someone I love doesn't know that I love them, I need to tell them. I shouldn't wait for a distant tomorrow. Because I might not get it in this life if I wait.

I've learned that I shouldn't ever judge someone when I don't know all the facts. And even if I do know all the facts, I probably still don't know all the facts. So.... I should just leave the judging to God.

I've learned that sometimes I have to let go of people that I love - yup, even the ones that I love deep down into my little heart. And that still seems like such a lame concept to me... I don't like it. And I don't think that I ever will.

I've learned that sometimes I have to adjust my plans. Sometimes I have to sacrifice something good, for something better.

I've learned that sometimes... even though something is right... it doesn't mean that it will be easy to accept or that it won't be disapointing from the limited view that I have. Of course I'll be grateful for it later when I can see it all laid out... but for now... I'm just a little bit disapointed. And a little bit tired.

And a little bit in need of a great. big. hug.

seeing it straight or not doesn't really matter when i've got these pudgy arms around my neck... <3

If I could find a way to see this straight
I’d run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now..
- cough syrup
by 'young the giants' 

1 comment:

  1. loooooooove that song. love love love. and you too.