Thursday, December 1, 2011

what am i grateful for? awful days

i swear! i am NOT a negative girl. i PROMISE you!

i feel awful writing this blog. mainly because i just feel like every time i've blogged lately it's started off with something similar to what i'm about to say right now:

today. was. awful.

but wait!

i am totally going to turn it all around and you will all be feeling uplifted and encouraged by the end of it. in the mean time, though; just listen to a little bit of my day (possibly for no one's benefit but my own, because for real sometimes you just gotta get it off your chest and write it all out):

i LOVE snow and i LOVE Christmas. so. waking up to the white flakey wonder outside my front window brought a lot of joy to my heart. what about this did not bring a lot of joy to my heart? the roads. especially the roads when people forget that we live in Canada and not California. and that 'hey, the roads are fricken slippery'. then they do stupid things like pulling in front of me on the highway and making me swerve into the other lane (over the cement divider thingy and everything (not the tall one but the one that's kinda like a curb)) and nearly die in on coming traffic.

then i had the most draining and depressing conversation with a close friend of mine (kind of like what you think that this blog is going to be like; just you wait, just you wait).

then my iPod broke - my iPod contains my life; this is a BIG deal.

then i found out that a loved one is really quite sick (nope! you don't get to know who! haha).

then another friend of mine was just really darn hurtful and i started crying; yup... i cried (this may have been somewhat due to the above 'bad day thingies' that led up to the mean friend. maybe it wasn't entirely his fault that i cried. lol). 

then some other friends got into an argument about religion... some sad things were said and my heart felt like it had just been beaten right up.


I did what any logical girl would do and I pulled on some sweats, layered on some hoodies, found some mittens, laced up my Nike's and took off out the door for a run.

"Isn't there tons of snow outside?"

Yup. There is. I just didn't care.

I ran and ran and ran. I'm pretty sure I gave Forest Gump a run for his money. He's got nothin' on me.

I finished the run and I played with my puppy for a little bit out in the snow :) that brought a lot of joy to my heart.

Then I got to thinking about the day. And I got to thinking about how awful it was. I replayed it all in my mind and I realized something (here's where we'll shift to the good part ;):

If I didn't get to experience the 'awful days' - if every single day was easy and tolerable - then I would never be able to fully appreciate the wonderfully splendid days. If I didn't have to face some days that are scary and awful and painful then I simply wouldn't have the capacity to understand the worth of the good days.

And suddenly my entire view on the day changed. I sat there in the snow with my puppy and I realized that this day - though it was terrible and awful and difficult - was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
Without the bad I can't appreciate the good.
Without the heart break I can't appreciate the healing.
Without the tears I can't appreciate the smiles.
Without the hatred I can't appreciate the love.
Without the bitterness I can't appreciate the kindness.

I'm grateful for awful days. I'm grateful for people who treat me badly.
Because without them, I would be a pretty ungrateful little girl.

Because I've seen the bad, I'm grateful for the good.

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