Friday, December 16, 2011

all the difference

Today has been a wonderful day. I can't help but be awake at 2:00 am and be writing this blog - that is just how wonderful it was. My heart just feels like it's overflowing with gratitude and love.

The other night I was getting Haven ready for bed. I gave him a bath and brushed his little curly locks. Then I read him some stories from his 'scripture stories' book. We read about Daniel and Goliath, Moses and his loving Mother, Jesus Christ's birth... all of these wonderful things. I am so grateful for these stories that teach my son of hope and faith...

We went around and said our 'goodnights' to everyone. He gave hugs and kisses to grandma and his aunties and uncles. Then we went into his room.

auntie tanis

Here's the good part.

I knelt down beside his crib like I do every night before bed. Without me even having to help him kneel down across from me he knelt down in front of me. I folded my hands and he pushed his hands together in a jumbled up mess - he hasn't quite figured out the art of hand co-ordination yet - but, together they were, and that's all that mattered. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes as if to say "Ok Mommy. I'm ready."

My heart just melted away; I struggled to keep my voice steady as I said his prayers for him. I usually try and keep his prayers short and sweet so that he has more opportunity of suceeding in being reverent. But this time I prayed a little longer. He stayed there kneeling with his little hands clasped together the entire time.

I said 'Amen' and he jumped up and threw open his arms, wrapping them tightly around my neck. I just pulled him in close and breathed in his little 'johnson's baby' smell.

What would I do if I didn't have him forever?

I just don't know the answer to that question.

Today I did something very special to my heart. I went to the Temple and I did work there to help enable families to be with each other for time and all eternity. We search out names of our ancestors and we make sure that they are remembered and united together. I went with a close friend of mine: Lola May, as I lovingly like to refer to her.

We began talking on the drive home. We talked about how wonderful of a feeling it was to be able to help families be together forever. I sat back and thought of my precious baby boy - what would I do if I couldn't be with him forever? What would I do if I didn't know where I was going? What would I do if I didn't understand the importance of my role as a Mother?

I know that the relationship that I have with my children is more important than any other relationship (apart from the one I'll have with my future husband, of course ;). I will take my family relationships with me where ever I go - they'll still be with me even after I die. So I think they should be more important than anything else... Some might laugh at me or mock me - but if you're one of those people, than it makes me sad that you don't understand the divinity within leading and guiding a little soul who has been trusted to your care... or the divinity within loving a sister or brother or a mom or dad.

I'm so grateful for this Gospel. I'm so grateful for all that I have been blessed with in this life. I have hard days - just as everyone does. Sometimes I question myself and wonder if I am capable of teaching Haven all that he needs to know - a task that seems even more daunting considering that I am technically doing it alone (and I say 'technically' because I've got an amazing family who helps me to not ever feel alone) - but in the end I know where I am going and I know where I've come from... and most importantly, I know that my calling as a Mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter and eventually a wife is divine.

And that has made all the difference.

1 comment:

  1. thanks for that megan :) I love you and want you to know you are an awesome mother and I look up to you in many ways :)