Thursday, November 28, 2013

Beckum's Baby Story pt. 2

Beckum's Baby story continued.... Disclaimer: *this is a delivery story; if you don't like those, stop reading now ;)*

So once Hunter got home we continued frantically packing everything we needed. I had decided a long time ago that I wanted my Mom to be there and so I arranged for my sister Sara and her boyfriend Caleb to come to my place and take care of Hav if I was actually going to have a baby that night.

side rant: some people are anti 'Moms of the baby mama being in the delivery room'... they say "it takes away from the experience between husband and wife"... But I personally think that's completely silly. I would probably feel differently if my Mom was the type of Mom to be over bearing - but she's the best Mom in the world actually. So... that obviously wasn't a concern for me. I believe that the main goal through delivery is helping baby mama get through the entire excruciating experience in the most comfortable way possible. All my childhood my mom helped me when I was sick. So obviously she would best know how to help me when I was in labor. Anyways... *side rant over*.

I hadn't even washed my baby clothes yet (I swear it was on a legitimate 'list of things to do') and so we had to pack unwashed baby clothes, but we managed to pull everything we needed together in about 15 minutes and were quickly on our way out the door.

the bag is packed!
see how the picture is blurry? 1 example of our frenzied state lol.
I freaked out a little on our drive there (auto-pilot Megan was in an out at this point... ha) and panicked about things that were very, very important. For example:

"Hunter I wanted to dye my hair before we had the baby! It's not dyed!" 

or

"Hunter we haven't even taken any maternity photos together yet! I wanted to get cute ones of Haven and my belly!" 

or

"Hunter we haven't even picked a middle name if the baby is a boy!" (Ummmm... I feel that this one is an actual legitimate concern.)

or

"Hunter I didn't even do my hair nicely today! I wanted to have nice "delivery hair-dew" not crazy delivery hair-dew!"

or

"Hunter we haven't gone on our Mommy, Daddy-Son dates with Haven yet!!!" (Also, one that I feel is a legitimate reason to be upset.)

or

"Hunter I haven't done up a draft of what our baby announcements are going to look like yet!!!"

or

"Hunter I forgot to write you and Haven letters in case I DIE!!!" (You all laugh now at my ridiculousness, but I promise you wouldn't be laughing if I actually did end up dying. Just sayin')

or

"Hunter Michelle hasn't done a fill on my eye lash extensions yet!" 

I tell you this because it's funny... so I hope you all don't think I'm a vein, psycho, control freak (.... ok... I will only admit to being a psycho control freak a little bit). I just really enjoy planning and preparation in my life... it helps to calm me. And in this moment, I was far from having anything planned or prepared.

But lets all marinate again in the awesomeness that is my husband: in response to all of my frazzled, panicked and, I'll be honest, generally trivial upsets, he would respond with a calming "it's all going to be fine, Megger."

We made it to the hospital, checked in at emergency and made our way to labor and delivery. I changed into some hospital clothes and we waited while my nurse ran some tests.


i may have been a basket case. but you should know that hunter has a nick name for me.
it is FSOD.
it stands for FAKE SMILE ON DEMAND.
i can smile for a camera in even the most adverse conditions.
*side note* i probs could win an award for "most swollen pregnancy nose"...
 Considering the fact that it had been three years since I delivered baby Haven, I had basically forgot just how completely awful and painful delivery is. But guess what? Apparently in labor and delivery something that goes down is labor and - get this - delivery. I think that the ladies in the rooms around us were trying especially hard to remind me of how completely awful and painful delivery is. There were animal-like moaning noises coming from down the hall for about 20-25 minutes. This was followed by shrill screaming and then the loud crying of a newborn baby. I probably would have started freaking out... but Huntie Sam was taking care of the "freaking out" department all on his own. And since I'm such a kind wife, I helped to calm him by doing what any considerate wife would do: I laughed at him hysterically (seriously the look on his face was probably the most hilarious thing I have witnessed in a long, long time).  

*Alright, alright...maybe I do need to work harder on my comforting skills... *

i tried really hard to catch a photo of the look on huntie's face as he was listening to the lady down the hall screaming, but he caught me in the act and started laughing a nervous laugh.
for a visual, just imagine complete terror and also excitement at the same time and that's about right.
The nurse came back to do a test to confirm that my water had actually broke and to check me. She confirmed that it was amniotic fluid and said that I was already 3-4 cm! Which isn't a lot, but considering the fact that I was in denial a little bit that I was actually having a baby (and also that I was in no real pain either) this seemed like a pretty big deal to me.

The nurse called my Dr. and relayed the information to him. He told her to send me home for the night to get some rest or at least to progress a little further in labor. If nothing happened overnight then I was to come back to the hospital by 7:00 AM to be induced. 

Hunt and I packed our things up and went home where my Mom was with Haven. Haven had had a hard time going to sleep; he knew that something big was happening. My Mom went home and before she left both her and Hunter made me promise that I would actually rest and not stay up all night washing clothes and painting my crib. I reluctantly agreed. 

Just as Hunter and I were laying down to go to bed, Hav walked into our room. I couldn't have been more happy though. Everything was about to change in a huge and drastic way; for him, for me and for Hunter. Things would never be the same again in our little family. I was excited and happy for the change. But I wanted to soak up every last moment of being only 'Haven's Mama'.

   
this is sweet haven as a baby.
watching him drift off to sleep is still one of my most cherished times of the day. 

Hunter was exhausted from working all day and evening and fell asleep immediately. I laid beside Haven and watched him slowly drift off into dreamland.

and so began one of the longest nights of my life.

to be continued....  

Monday, November 18, 2013

A Baby Story: Beckum pt. 1

Who doesn't love a good delivery story? Well... if you don't, then stop reading now. 'Cause this is one of those stories.

My sleep through the night of September 24, 2013 was like any other during the final days of my pregnancy: filled full of fun pregnancy occurrences such as heart burn, unbearable heat and all around discomfort. Hunt left for work at 6 ish (I know... what an awful time to leave for work!) I woke up around 7 in the morning snuggled up to little Haven as per usual. I had my weekly pregnancy appointment to see my Dr at 11 am and so I was trying to catch some extra Z's after an awful sleep. So there I was driiiiifffting peacefully back to sleep... when I suddenly felt something warm and wet on the sheets beneath me.

"Great", I thought "Hav peed his pants on me." I sat up and checked him... but nope... he was completely. dry.

This is the first moment of the day where I had a minor panic attack.

"I. AM. NOT. READY. FOR. THIS. BABY." is what was flashing through my mind.

 I know that pregnant ladies often struggle with bladder problems, but I promise I never had issues like that and I kneeeewww that was not what it was.
Can I just say that our baby was expected to be born on October 17, 2013. I fully expected him to be late. I guess I was afraid of getting my hopes up for baby to come right on the expected date and then dreading every second of 'over due' pregnancy. I was extremely uncomfortable during this pregnancy and so I really, really didn't want to get my hopes up that the 17th would be 'the day'.

Anyways, back to my uncomfortable slumber wake up: I got out of bed to change my wet clothes and nothing else happened. So I dragged my tired self back to bed and after a few minutes of completely reliable studying regarding the question of whether or not your water can break "only a little" via google, I felt a little more comforted. So I awkwardly snuggled back up in bed with all three of my fans blowing on me and fell back asleep.

I dropped off Hav with my Mom before my Drs. appointment and was feeling more and more calm with each minute. I made it to my appointment and explained to my Dr. what had happened. He told me that if my water had in fact broke, then I would need to be induced within 24 hours. He suggested that I go to the hospital where they could do a test to check if my water had broke.

side note: I knew from past experience, that if I went to the hospital I would be there for hours and I did not have hours; I had stuff to get done. And quite honestly in my mind I was thinking... "it would be useless... it must have been something else: my water could NOT have possibly broke". I mean honestly, didn't my body know that I did not have anything ready for baby to come yet???

My Dr. could tell that I did not want to go to the hospital and so he told me that I wouldn't have to go if he checked me and everything was normal. He made me promise though, that I would go straight to the hospital if anything changed.

Everything was normal when he checked me and so I gathered up Haven from my Momma bear, visited with her for a bit, and then left. I was starving (as usual) and so Hav and I went on a Momma-son date and ate some delicious food followed by some ice cream.

Mmm-mmm good. I'm so grateful for this special little impromptu date that I had with my baby boy.

Then we went home. The experiences of the day reminded me of the very exhausting fact that I had absolutely nothing ready for this baby. And so I decided I should throw a few completely essential things into the hospital bag (which, in my mind, I wouldn't be needing for another 3 weeks): my cameras, obviously. If you know me, you know that pictures are very, very important to me.

Hunt was at work late bailing some hay and so my mom and I planned to have a "Once Upon a Time (best. tv show. evaaaarrrr)/paint my baby crib" girls night. I painted with my mom for a bit until it was Hav's bed time. I changed Haven's sheets and was taking a quick bathroom break before going to get Haven into his PJ's; I was washing my hands when...... drum roll, please.. que the nature-like sound of a waterfall....

I felt warm water slowly trickling down the inside of my legs.  

I stopped: my breathing stopped, my heart seemed to stop... everything just seemed to stop.

I was filled with panic.

I went to the baby room where my Mom was painting and told her what was happening. The sight of the unfinished baby room - wet paint, barren walls, garbage bags and all - did nothing to lessen my feelings of panic.

Sometimes when I feel too much overwhelming panic, I do a funny little thing: I go into 'auto-pilot Megan mode'. Auto-pilot Megan shoves away the part of me that's panicking and refuses to acknowledge the gravity of the situation; auto pilot Megan takes over and squashes out the part of me that it is completely freaking out. I move more quickly and frenzied and I get things done.

The first thing I needed to do: get Haven in bed. I put on his PJs, said prayer with him and got him in his bed.

Every move I made, there was more and more water. I slowly but surely began feeling a dull ache in my back: back labor. There was no way that I could possibly deny what was happening.

I called the hospital. They told me to come as soon as possible.

I was rushing around the house gathering things that we needed for the hospital when I called Hunter to explain what was happening.

He answered the phone by trying to tell me something funny; I interrupted him mid-sentence.

"Hunter. Stop talking. Listen to me. When are you going to be home?"

He told me that he wouldn't be home for about 30-45 minutes. I explained to him that my water had broke and I would need to go to the hospital. I told him that he didn't need to hurry because I wasn't having consistent contractions, if any at all. We talked for a minute more. Near the end of the conversation, my emotionless 'auto-pilot Megan' mode was fading quickly and my voice cracked as I tried to push away some tears. Hunter must have been able to tell that, deep down, I was really freaking out.

"I will come home now. I'll be 10 minutes." He hung up the phone, left his tractor right there in the field and was home before I knew it. Can I just say that I am thrilled that he could see through 'auto-pilot Megan'? I definitely needed him even though 'auto-pilot Megan' said otherwise. Gotta' love that guy.

side note: this is getting really long... soooooo I'll let you all marinate in the wonderfulness that is my husband and how great he is to me:


love him :)

and to be continued... :)

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Happy Belated Birthday to my Haven

So remember that time that I said I thought I would have so much time to catch up on my blogging life? Well... obviously I did not consider the fact that I was planning to take on upwards of 10 home made projects. Oh and also (big point here) I did not weigh in the fact that I may have my sweet baby three weeks early! But it happened. And so here I am with zero to no time to frivolously spend blogging.

One day you will hear the story of Huntie and I. Maybe tomorrow. And maybe in a year. That is about as reliable as I am these days with knowing when I will or will not be busy. For real though guys. I don't even have a crib for my baby right now, because I decided I needed to paint it and, once again, did not consider the idea that maybe my baby might come early - I left it and left it and left it some more and then procrastinated a little more. And now here I am with 1 baby and 0 cribs. And unfortunately, crib for baby is a lot more important then my blog.

BUT! enough about my lack of time. Right now I have time and so I will write. One day soon (like I said before, I do not know when) I will write more specifically about our newest little boy and about his surprise entrance into our lives. And you better stay tuned for that, 'cause seriously he is an angel; we all adore him.

For now though, I have someone else to write about.

Someone very special, indeed.

A little boy who just turned 3 a few short months ago.

I had this wonderful blog drafted up about all of his little accomplishments throughout the year - he has had many. But there is one accomplishment that has outshone all the rest.

To start I will say that I was pretty stressed, anxious and nervous about adding baby #2 to our family. I am a self proclaimed worrier.

What if I couldn't handle the lack of sleep?

What if  my baby cried and cried and cried all day and night?

What if I then turned into a crazy person?

Those are just a few of the things I stressed about.

But there was one thing that stressed me more than all other things - and that is a little boy named Haven.

What if he didn't handle the new addition well?

What if he was constantly jealous of the new one?

What if Haven was mean to the baby?

What if the baby was a light sleeper and Haven screamed and yelled all the time and woke him up and then I was even MORE of a crazy person?

....What if Haven felt as if he wasn't as loved as before because there simply wasn't as much time as before?

I could go on and on and on about the different variations regarding "Haven" and "new addition" that stressed me. But just take my word for it: I was stressed about it. Severely.

I planned to buy Haven some gifts for when the baby arrived so that he wouldn't feel left out when all of the baby gifts started arriving. I planned some 'Haven, Mommy & Daddy' dates for shortly before the baby's arrival so we could squeeze in as much quality, alone time with Haven before the baby came.

Alas... our baby decided to arrive 3 weeks earlier than expected and none of these plans were accomplished. After I went into labor, this was what made me the most upset. There were so many things I wasn't able to do that I had previously planned on doing but not being able to have our special time with Haven was the most heart breaking of all to me.

Haven sensed something big was happening when we dropped him off at his Auntie's home. He was nervous and when we dropped him off he cried his scared cry. My heart was broken! My plans were ruined.

Dropping off Hav; on our way to the hospital.

Thankfully though, my Heavenly Father's plans are much better laid out than my own. This is a lesson that I will probably need to be taught over and over again; tender mercies always seem to arrive when all my carefully laid out plans fail miserably. I am so deeply grateful. 

Approximately twelve hours later Haven was in my hospital room, meeting baby Beckum for the very first time. I will never forget the look of complete awe and love on Haven's little face when he first laid eyes on his little brother; it was complete adoration.


adore my boys

<3





I had a hard recovery after Beckum's delivery and was in a great deal of pain for at least two weeks. I couldn't get out of bed for the first little bit and if I did it was very painful. Sometimes Haven was able to go to work with Daddy or play with his friends and cousins but more often he had to stay home, cooped up with boring me while I rested and slept.

Haven did not complain. Not ever.

At bed time Haven is used to me laying with him while he goes to sleep. Most nights Beckum needs to be fed at the same time that Haven goes to bed and so I have to tell Haven that I can't lay with him.

Haven has not shown any resentment towards Beckum. Not one bit.

Haven often has nightmares in the middle of the night and then climbs into bed with Hunter and I. There's simply not enough room in the bed for me to feed Beckum at night and also have Haven in our bed and so Haven can no longer sleep in our bed.

These are only a few examples of the things that Haven has sacrificed since Beckum's arrival.

Haven continues to always try his hardest to protect Beckum. Haven adores him and shows him only gentleness and love.

Since our arrival home I have thought that Haven would eventually get sick of Beckum and the jealousy would begin; especially as the reality of little Beckum (and how time consuming he is) was realized.

I was wrong and wonderfully surprised.

Beckum is nearly 1 month old now. Since the first time Haven met Beckum and still to this day, he has shown nothing but gentleness and love for his little brother

I was sure that I needed to plan everything carefully so that Haven had a better transition into being a big brother. I completely underestimated my little boy, though.

He has been so courageous in the face of this huge change in our family structure.

Three years ago little Haven came into my life. Through long, sleepless nights and sometimes grinding and tiring days he taught me about love without condition and patient, gentle sacrifice. My heart grew in love for him every day.





Today, three years and a few months later, my little Haven has taught me all over again about love without condition and patient, gentle sacrifice.




Hunt and I could not be any more proud of this wonderful and brave little boy.

Happy belated Birthday to our sweet Haven.

We love you to the moon and back, forever and ever.







Friday, July 12, 2013

i'm back; the start of the crucial parts

I love writing. I love it almost more than any other hobby. And so I am thrilled that, for a few months, I will have a little bit of spare time to dust off my old lap top (I literally had to dust it off haha) and catch up on my blog writing.

I feel like so much has happened since the last time that I wrote on here regularly and I'm so excited to revisit all of the exciting "new" things that I've learned and special moments that have occurred in the past two years.

Since the last real updates I posted on my blog were of my single-mothering years, I think I will start there. Mine and Haven's life the past 2-3 years has been an exciting whirlwind of changes, full to the brim of some wonderful 'ups' as well as a few heart-breaking 'downs'. I feel deep gratitude in my heart for where Haven and I are today.

With that being said, I guess the most crucial part of my story in recent years involves my decision to date and then marry a man named Hunter Samuel Olsen.

Hunt was a game changer for me during a time when I didn't think the game could be changed. I was content with where I was and, though others had tried, I was too afraid to open my heart to anyone again. I am forever grateful that Hunter changed that, though.

Because marrying him was one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life.



Stay tuned for a few glimpses into "our story" <3.

Some of it's pretty sappy and sugary. So if you're emotionally diabetic, I would avoid it ;)

Friday, April 5, 2013

a riddle for you

I have a riddle for you blog readers!

What
- Gives you painful migraines,
- Makes you nauseous all day and night,
- Causes you to lose weight initially (only because you puke everything up),
- And then shortly after causes you to gain excessive weight,
- Renders you unbelievably exhausted every waking moment,
- Causes you to cry one moment and then laugh hysterically the next...
- Yet you are still overjoyed for the results of this said treacherous experience.

What is the answer, you ask?

Pregnancy!

Hunter, Haven and I are thrilled to announce the coming arrival of a new addition to our little family! We are so excited!

Here is little baby's first photo debut to the world :)

Though baby has caused me immense tiredness and sickness and headaches and moodiness... I love baby more and more everyday.

I've loved this little baby from the start.





Monday, March 11, 2013

25: 2 years and one half!

 
Hav's Recent Accomplishments
 
1. Hav learned how to say GRANDMA and not Grandpa :)... for a long time he could not say grandma. He could definitely hear the difference because when I called "Grandma", Grandpa, he would say "No mommy! It GRANDPA not Grandpa!!"
2. Hav still does not like being told that he is cute... : "You're so cute!" ... "No I not, Mom! I HAVEN!"
3. Hav got some immunizations a few months ago and he was a champ and only cried for a few seconds. I think I cried longer.
4. Hav also got a hair cut since last post and he rocked it :)
5. Hav says something funny every day and always keeps Hunt and I on our toes. We love him to bits and pieces.
 
 
 
 
 
Playin in the bath tub.

 
Making cinnamon buns with momma.

 
Fooohawk for our night out with grandma and papa!


 
:)

 
Hav is all about kisses lately.

 
Haven was a big boy and cut up all his soothers in January!!! We were so proud of him! He is completely sootherless now :)

 
"....if I throw the blanket over my head I don't think that Mom and Dad can see me...."

 
Kealii!

I don't know how hav's waited so long to start shaving. I mean he's got SO MUCH facial hair :)

 
Going for a walk :)
 
 
Craft time at the Galt!!!

I could eat him. He's way too cute.

 
Auntie Sara

He's very intellectual with Daddy's glasses on.

 
:) My little buddy.

 
Family swim day!!! One of Hav's favorite places to be these days.
 
 
Kisses for Papa.

 
This is what happens when Hav wants his shirt off when he lays down with Daddy. Daddy falls asleep in .5 seconds. Haven tries to take his shirt off on his own. The result = this hahaha.

 
Kisses coooonnntinued!
 
 
 

Friday, January 25, 2013

someday: dedicated to julie

Where do you start in a blog like this?

My blogging life these days has been far from thriving. But the past month and a half, I think it has reached an all new low.

I just have no idea what to say.

I know that not many people read my little blog - but I do know one girl who does: Julie. And she is the reason for the fact that I do not know what to say; and not just in this blog, but in real life too. The past few weeks have been a whirl wind of me just not having any idea what to say.

I remember getting the phone call from Julie explaining her little girl, Ayla's critical state. I cried with her as she told me the awful news. And that was probably the moment when I began having no idea what to say... and really, deep down, I know there is nothing that I can say to take away her hurt.

The 25th of December rolled around and, granted the reason I didn't write Haven's monthly update initially was because of busy-ness. But soon, the reasons changed. Because the truth is that I have no idea how to talk about all of my child's accomplishments, when I know that my sweet friend Julie will never again be able to do the same in this life for her baby Ayla.

My thoughts cannot turn from her and the pain that she is undoubtedly suffering.

One year ago I wrote a blog for Julie. She had just found out that she was expecting and had asked for me to write her a letter containing advice for motherhood.

So very much has changed for her since then.

I have watched her face her sweet baby's death with a combination of grace and uninhibited faith that is inspiring to me. Julie is truly among the most wonderful of people that I have ever had the blessing of knowing.

So today, I dedicate this blog to Julie:

One year ago I gave you advice on how to be a wonderful mother. Today I feel that I have learned far more from you, than you ever could have learned from me. You have taught me what it means to have faith - even when the outcome is not at all what we so desperately wished it could have been.

Ayla is so blessed to have you as her Mommy.


Some of my memories of Ayla:


 
 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
 

Three weeks ago I said goodbye to sweet Ayla. She had machines surrounding her. She looked so angelic and peaceful. I knew she did not have many days left on this earth... and that it would be the last time I ever saw her in this life. I walked away from that hospital room with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart.

On January 15, 2013, sweet little Ayla left this earthly world.

I will never forget the image as I slowly drove out of the cemetery on the day of Ayla's funeral and watched as Julie stood beside Ayla's tiny pink casket. There are few things in my life that have been as difficult to witness.  

My heart is broken for my dear friend. I know that there is nothing in this life - no amount of kind words, no amount of warm hugs - that will ever fill the void that is in her heart where Ayla's earthly presence once was.

This is why my heart is filled with joy when I think of that beautiful, wonderful day when I will be able to see that void be filled as Julie's heart is healed completely and she and her baby girl are together once again.



 
I know that they will be together again someday <3
 
"But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ."
- Mosiah 16:8