Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Happy Belated Birthday to my Haven

So remember that time that I said I thought I would have so much time to catch up on my blogging life? Well... obviously I did not consider the fact that I was planning to take on upwards of 10 home made projects. Oh and also (big point here) I did not weigh in the fact that I may have my sweet baby three weeks early! But it happened. And so here I am with zero to no time to frivolously spend blogging.

One day you will hear the story of Huntie and I. Maybe tomorrow. And maybe in a year. That is about as reliable as I am these days with knowing when I will or will not be busy. For real though guys. I don't even have a crib for my baby right now, because I decided I needed to paint it and, once again, did not consider the idea that maybe my baby might come early - I left it and left it and left it some more and then procrastinated a little more. And now here I am with 1 baby and 0 cribs. And unfortunately, crib for baby is a lot more important then my blog.

BUT! enough about my lack of time. Right now I have time and so I will write. One day soon (like I said before, I do not know when) I will write more specifically about our newest little boy and about his surprise entrance into our lives. And you better stay tuned for that, 'cause seriously he is an angel; we all adore him.

For now though, I have someone else to write about.

Someone very special, indeed.

A little boy who just turned 3 a few short months ago.

I had this wonderful blog drafted up about all of his little accomplishments throughout the year - he has had many. But there is one accomplishment that has outshone all the rest.

To start I will say that I was pretty stressed, anxious and nervous about adding baby #2 to our family. I am a self proclaimed worrier.

What if I couldn't handle the lack of sleep?

What if  my baby cried and cried and cried all day and night?

What if I then turned into a crazy person?

Those are just a few of the things I stressed about.

But there was one thing that stressed me more than all other things - and that is a little boy named Haven.

What if he didn't handle the new addition well?

What if he was constantly jealous of the new one?

What if Haven was mean to the baby?

What if the baby was a light sleeper and Haven screamed and yelled all the time and woke him up and then I was even MORE of a crazy person?

....What if Haven felt as if he wasn't as loved as before because there simply wasn't as much time as before?

I could go on and on and on about the different variations regarding "Haven" and "new addition" that stressed me. But just take my word for it: I was stressed about it. Severely.

I planned to buy Haven some gifts for when the baby arrived so that he wouldn't feel left out when all of the baby gifts started arriving. I planned some 'Haven, Mommy & Daddy' dates for shortly before the baby's arrival so we could squeeze in as much quality, alone time with Haven before the baby came.

Alas... our baby decided to arrive 3 weeks earlier than expected and none of these plans were accomplished. After I went into labor, this was what made me the most upset. There were so many things I wasn't able to do that I had previously planned on doing but not being able to have our special time with Haven was the most heart breaking of all to me.

Haven sensed something big was happening when we dropped him off at his Auntie's home. He was nervous and when we dropped him off he cried his scared cry. My heart was broken! My plans were ruined.

Dropping off Hav; on our way to the hospital.

Thankfully though, my Heavenly Father's plans are much better laid out than my own. This is a lesson that I will probably need to be taught over and over again; tender mercies always seem to arrive when all my carefully laid out plans fail miserably. I am so deeply grateful. 

Approximately twelve hours later Haven was in my hospital room, meeting baby Beckum for the very first time. I will never forget the look of complete awe and love on Haven's little face when he first laid eyes on his little brother; it was complete adoration.

adore my boys


I had a hard recovery after Beckum's delivery and was in a great deal of pain for at least two weeks. I couldn't get out of bed for the first little bit and if I did it was very painful. Sometimes Haven was able to go to work with Daddy or play with his friends and cousins but more often he had to stay home, cooped up with boring me while I rested and slept.

Haven did not complain. Not ever.

At bed time Haven is used to me laying with him while he goes to sleep. Most nights Beckum needs to be fed at the same time that Haven goes to bed and so I have to tell Haven that I can't lay with him.

Haven has not shown any resentment towards Beckum. Not one bit.

Haven often has nightmares in the middle of the night and then climbs into bed with Hunter and I. There's simply not enough room in the bed for me to feed Beckum at night and also have Haven in our bed and so Haven can no longer sleep in our bed.

These are only a few examples of the things that Haven has sacrificed since Beckum's arrival.

Haven continues to always try his hardest to protect Beckum. Haven adores him and shows him only gentleness and love.

Since our arrival home I have thought that Haven would eventually get sick of Beckum and the jealousy would begin; especially as the reality of little Beckum (and how time consuming he is) was realized.

I was wrong and wonderfully surprised.

Beckum is nearly 1 month old now. Since the first time Haven met Beckum and still to this day, he has shown nothing but gentleness and love for his little brother

I was sure that I needed to plan everything carefully so that Haven had a better transition into being a big brother. I completely underestimated my little boy, though.

He has been so courageous in the face of this huge change in our family structure.

Three years ago little Haven came into my life. Through long, sleepless nights and sometimes grinding and tiring days he taught me about love without condition and patient, gentle sacrifice. My heart grew in love for him every day.

Today, three years and a few months later, my little Haven has taught me all over again about love without condition and patient, gentle sacrifice.

Hunt and I could not be any more proud of this wonderful and brave little boy.

Happy belated Birthday to our sweet Haven.

We love you to the moon and back, forever and ever.