Thursday, November 28, 2013

Beckum's Baby Story pt. 2

Beckum's Baby story continued.... Disclaimer: *this is a delivery story; if you don't like those, stop reading now ;)*

So once Hunter got home we continued frantically packing everything we needed. I had decided a long time ago that I wanted my Mom to be there and so I arranged for my sister Sara and her boyfriend Caleb to come to my place and take care of Hav if I was actually going to have a baby that night.

side rant: some people are anti 'Moms of the baby mama being in the delivery room'... they say "it takes away from the experience between husband and wife"... But I personally think that's completely silly. I would probably feel differently if my Mom was the type of Mom to be over bearing - but she's the best Mom in the world actually. So... that obviously wasn't a concern for me. I believe that the main goal through delivery is helping baby mama get through the entire excruciating experience in the most comfortable way possible. All my childhood my mom helped me when I was sick. So obviously she would best know how to help me when I was in labor. Anyways... *side rant over*.

I hadn't even washed my baby clothes yet (I swear it was on a legitimate 'list of things to do') and so we had to pack unwashed baby clothes, but we managed to pull everything we needed together in about 15 minutes and were quickly on our way out the door.

the bag is packed!
see how the picture is blurry? 1 example of our frenzied state lol.
I freaked out a little on our drive there (auto-pilot Megan was in an out at this point... ha) and panicked about things that were very, very important. For example:

"Hunter I wanted to dye my hair before we had the baby! It's not dyed!" 


"Hunter we haven't even taken any maternity photos together yet! I wanted to get cute ones of Haven and my belly!" 


"Hunter we haven't even picked a middle name if the baby is a boy!" (Ummmm... I feel that this one is an actual legitimate concern.)


"Hunter I didn't even do my hair nicely today! I wanted to have nice "delivery hair-dew" not crazy delivery hair-dew!"


"Hunter we haven't gone on our Mommy, Daddy-Son dates with Haven yet!!!" (Also, one that I feel is a legitimate reason to be upset.)


"Hunter I haven't done up a draft of what our baby announcements are going to look like yet!!!"


"Hunter I forgot to write you and Haven letters in case I DIE!!!" (You all laugh now at my ridiculousness, but I promise you wouldn't be laughing if I actually did end up dying. Just sayin')


"Hunter Michelle hasn't done a fill on my eye lash extensions yet!" 

I tell you this because it's funny... so I hope you all don't think I'm a vein, psycho, control freak (.... ok... I will only admit to being a psycho control freak a little bit). I just really enjoy planning and preparation in my life... it helps to calm me. And in this moment, I was far from having anything planned or prepared.

But lets all marinate again in the awesomeness that is my husband: in response to all of my frazzled, panicked and, I'll be honest, generally trivial upsets, he would respond with a calming "it's all going to be fine, Megger."

We made it to the hospital, checked in at emergency and made our way to labor and delivery. I changed into some hospital clothes and we waited while my nurse ran some tests.

i may have been a basket case. but you should know that hunter has a nick name for me.
it is FSOD.
it stands for FAKE SMILE ON DEMAND.
i can smile for a camera in even the most adverse conditions.
*side note* i probs could win an award for "most swollen pregnancy nose"...
 Considering the fact that it had been three years since I delivered baby Haven, I had basically forgot just how completely awful and painful delivery is. But guess what? Apparently in labor and delivery something that goes down is labor and - get this - delivery. I think that the ladies in the rooms around us were trying especially hard to remind me of how completely awful and painful delivery is. There were animal-like moaning noises coming from down the hall for about 20-25 minutes. This was followed by shrill screaming and then the loud crying of a newborn baby. I probably would have started freaking out... but Huntie Sam was taking care of the "freaking out" department all on his own. And since I'm such a kind wife, I helped to calm him by doing what any considerate wife would do: I laughed at him hysterically (seriously the look on his face was probably the most hilarious thing I have witnessed in a long, long time).  

*Alright, alright...maybe I do need to work harder on my comforting skills... *

i tried really hard to catch a photo of the look on huntie's face as he was listening to the lady down the hall screaming, but he caught me in the act and started laughing a nervous laugh.
for a visual, just imagine complete terror and also excitement at the same time and that's about right.
The nurse came back to do a test to confirm that my water had actually broke and to check me. She confirmed that it was amniotic fluid and said that I was already 3-4 cm! Which isn't a lot, but considering the fact that I was in denial a little bit that I was actually having a baby (and also that I was in no real pain either) this seemed like a pretty big deal to me.

The nurse called my Dr. and relayed the information to him. He told her to send me home for the night to get some rest or at least to progress a little further in labor. If nothing happened overnight then I was to come back to the hospital by 7:00 AM to be induced. 

Hunt and I packed our things up and went home where my Mom was with Haven. Haven had had a hard time going to sleep; he knew that something big was happening. My Mom went home and before she left both her and Hunter made me promise that I would actually rest and not stay up all night washing clothes and painting my crib. I reluctantly agreed. 

Just as Hunter and I were laying down to go to bed, Hav walked into our room. I couldn't have been more happy though. Everything was about to change in a huge and drastic way; for him, for me and for Hunter. Things would never be the same again in our little family. I was excited and happy for the change. But I wanted to soak up every last moment of being only 'Haven's Mama'.

this is sweet haven as a baby.
watching him drift off to sleep is still one of my most cherished times of the day. 

Hunter was exhausted from working all day and evening and fell asleep immediately. I laid beside Haven and watched him slowly drift off into dreamland.

and so began one of the longest nights of my life.

to be continued....  

Monday, November 18, 2013

A Baby Story: Beckum pt. 1

Who doesn't love a good delivery story? Well... if you don't, then stop reading now. 'Cause this is one of those stories.

My sleep through the night of September 24, 2013 was like any other during the final days of my pregnancy: filled full of fun pregnancy occurrences such as heart burn, unbearable heat and all around discomfort. Hunt left for work at 6 ish (I know... what an awful time to leave for work!) I woke up around 7 in the morning snuggled up to little Haven as per usual. I had my weekly pregnancy appointment to see my Dr at 11 am and so I was trying to catch some extra Z's after an awful sleep. So there I was driiiiifffting peacefully back to sleep... when I suddenly felt something warm and wet on the sheets beneath me.

"Great", I thought "Hav peed his pants on me." I sat up and checked him... but nope... he was completely. dry.

This is the first moment of the day where I had a minor panic attack.

"I. AM. NOT. READY. FOR. THIS. BABY." is what was flashing through my mind.

 I know that pregnant ladies often struggle with bladder problems, but I promise I never had issues like that and I kneeeewww that was not what it was.
Can I just say that our baby was expected to be born on October 17, 2013. I fully expected him to be late. I guess I was afraid of getting my hopes up for baby to come right on the expected date and then dreading every second of 'over due' pregnancy. I was extremely uncomfortable during this pregnancy and so I really, really didn't want to get my hopes up that the 17th would be 'the day'.

Anyways, back to my uncomfortable slumber wake up: I got out of bed to change my wet clothes and nothing else happened. So I dragged my tired self back to bed and after a few minutes of completely reliable studying regarding the question of whether or not your water can break "only a little" via google, I felt a little more comforted. So I awkwardly snuggled back up in bed with all three of my fans blowing on me and fell back asleep.

I dropped off Hav with my Mom before my Drs. appointment and was feeling more and more calm with each minute. I made it to my appointment and explained to my Dr. what had happened. He told me that if my water had in fact broke, then I would need to be induced within 24 hours. He suggested that I go to the hospital where they could do a test to check if my water had broke.

side note: I knew from past experience, that if I went to the hospital I would be there for hours and I did not have hours; I had stuff to get done. And quite honestly in my mind I was thinking... "it would be useless... it must have been something else: my water could NOT have possibly broke". I mean honestly, didn't my body know that I did not have anything ready for baby to come yet???

My Dr. could tell that I did not want to go to the hospital and so he told me that I wouldn't have to go if he checked me and everything was normal. He made me promise though, that I would go straight to the hospital if anything changed.

Everything was normal when he checked me and so I gathered up Haven from my Momma bear, visited with her for a bit, and then left. I was starving (as usual) and so Hav and I went on a Momma-son date and ate some delicious food followed by some ice cream.

Mmm-mmm good. I'm so grateful for this special little impromptu date that I had with my baby boy.

Then we went home. The experiences of the day reminded me of the very exhausting fact that I had absolutely nothing ready for this baby. And so I decided I should throw a few completely essential things into the hospital bag (which, in my mind, I wouldn't be needing for another 3 weeks): my cameras, obviously. If you know me, you know that pictures are very, very important to me.

Hunt was at work late bailing some hay and so my mom and I planned to have a "Once Upon a Time (best. tv show. evaaaarrrr)/paint my baby crib" girls night. I painted with my mom for a bit until it was Hav's bed time. I changed Haven's sheets and was taking a quick bathroom break before going to get Haven into his PJ's; I was washing my hands when...... drum roll, please.. que the nature-like sound of a waterfall....

I felt warm water slowly trickling down the inside of my legs.  

I stopped: my breathing stopped, my heart seemed to stop... everything just seemed to stop.

I was filled with panic.

I went to the baby room where my Mom was painting and told her what was happening. The sight of the unfinished baby room - wet paint, barren walls, garbage bags and all - did nothing to lessen my feelings of panic.

Sometimes when I feel too much overwhelming panic, I do a funny little thing: I go into 'auto-pilot Megan mode'. Auto-pilot Megan shoves away the part of me that's panicking and refuses to acknowledge the gravity of the situation; auto pilot Megan takes over and squashes out the part of me that it is completely freaking out. I move more quickly and frenzied and I get things done.

The first thing I needed to do: get Haven in bed. I put on his PJs, said prayer with him and got him in his bed.

Every move I made, there was more and more water. I slowly but surely began feeling a dull ache in my back: back labor. There was no way that I could possibly deny what was happening.

I called the hospital. They told me to come as soon as possible.

I was rushing around the house gathering things that we needed for the hospital when I called Hunter to explain what was happening.

He answered the phone by trying to tell me something funny; I interrupted him mid-sentence.

"Hunter. Stop talking. Listen to me. When are you going to be home?"

He told me that he wouldn't be home for about 30-45 minutes. I explained to him that my water had broke and I would need to go to the hospital. I told him that he didn't need to hurry because I wasn't having consistent contractions, if any at all. We talked for a minute more. Near the end of the conversation, my emotionless 'auto-pilot Megan' mode was fading quickly and my voice cracked as I tried to push away some tears. Hunter must have been able to tell that, deep down, I was really freaking out.

"I will come home now. I'll be 10 minutes." He hung up the phone, left his tractor right there in the field and was home before I knew it. Can I just say that I am thrilled that he could see through 'auto-pilot Megan'? I definitely needed him even though 'auto-pilot Megan' said otherwise. Gotta' love that guy.

side note: this is getting really long... soooooo I'll let you all marinate in the wonderfulness that is my husband and how great he is to me:

love him :)

and to be continued... :)